


Semper Enim

by Mustangsflame



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Depression, Faked Suicide, Grieving, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Panic Attacks, Recovery, big ol mention of drugs in chapter four, mention of drugs, will add more with more chapters, you can skip chpt four and it makes u uncomfy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-04-19 12:38:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14237475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mustangsflame/pseuds/Mustangsflame
Summary: It had been nearly a year since the Connor Project, Evan told everyone the truth. The Murphys’ hated him. Alana hated him. Jared hated him. A year was a long time to get rid of a ghost.otherwise known as Connor Didn't Really Die





	1. The Ghost He Left Behind

Where was he? Why was he here? He couldn't breathe, why couldn't he breathe? There was darkness all around him, he couldn't see, he couldn't feel anything. It was too much! Too much! Too much! 

He wanted it to all go away. 

He jolted awake, gasping for breath, feeling his chest contract. He felt like he was having a panic attack, gasping for air he couldn't breathe. 

"Morning." There He was, sitting on Evan's dresser, staring across at him with those perfect blue eyes. His legs were swinging back and forth, his stare didn't move from Evan. Evan gasped for another breath, coughing out whatever he felt in his chest, glancing up at Him. He stared back, smiling with his unnerving eyes. 

"Can you leave me alone?" Evan snapped, hands pushing through his hair. 

It had been nearly a year since the Connor Project, Evan told everyone the truth. The Murphys' hated him. Alana hated him. Jared hated him. A year was a long time to get rid of a ghost. 

"No can do, Ev. Why, don't you want me here? I am your best friend after all." He cocked his head, malicious intent behind those perfect eyes.

"Connor Murphy was my best friend. You're not Connor." Evan snapped, pulling his blanket off and standing up, swaying just a bit. He felt angry, angry that this wasn't his best friend, that this was some fucked up hallucination of his. 

Evan watched as He hopped off from the dresser, a scowl on His face, storming towards Evan. Evan flinched and hunched over, trying to protect himself. Not Connor stopped in front of him, and Evan backed up, the back of his knees hitting his bed and he fell onto his back. He whimpered, curling into himself. 

He wanted this to be over, he wanted Him to go, to leave. Why was He here? Why was He causing Evan so much pain? Not Connor just watched as a panic attack began to surge through Evan.

"Why are you panicking?" Not Connor snapped, causing Evan to curl into himself more. "Why, Evan? Are you scared of me or something?! Are you scared of yourself?!" He was getting louder, getting more intense.

"N-no! I'm-I'm not!" He shouted, still curled in a protective position. 

"You're so pathetic, no wonder Mom hates you." Not Connor scoffed and made his way back to the dresser, pulling himself onto it. 

Evan let out a choked sob, shaking now. No, this wasn't Connor Murphy, this wasn't the boy he had befriended and fell for. This was just some fucked up hallucination in order to make Evan's life hell.

Evan hiccuped, tears rolling down his face. How could he escape from this? How could he possibly get rid of Not Connor?

Evan spoke after a couple of minutes. "Go away."

"What-"

"Go away! Get out! I don't want you here!" Evan was pulling at his own hair as He looked on in surprise. 

Evan knew that Not Connor would just manifest more if he kept thinking about it, so in a sudden leap of courage, Evan jolted up and walked out into the hallway. 

He made his way into the kitchen, Not Connor strolling behind him, watching in slight disbelief. Evan was moving, being productive, alas with great difficulty, making Him weaker by the second.

Evan busied himself, searching through the fridge and making a mental note to grocery shop later that week. He knew his mom wouldn't have time to grocery shop. Not Connor stood at the entrance, looking at Evan, slowly becoming transparent. Evan's anxiety was at the back of his head now, causing this personification of his anxiety to fade. Evan took a deep breath. He'd be okay.

He grabbed an apple and walked back to his room, shutting the door behind him, moving to his desk and sitting in his chair. He glanced around his desk, only for a moment.

His eyes landed on a photo of Connor and him during their Junior year spring break. They had gone hiking together, taking pictures of the forest around them and of each other. Evan could recall that memory fondly. They had managed to snap a selfie with Connor's Polaroid camera, and Evan framed it the moment they got back home. 

Evan frowned, looking over Connor's appearance. His heterochromatic eyes seemed happier than most days they talked, and there was a real, genuine smile on his face. They both were trying to hold their giggles as Connor took the photo. Evan sighed and let his head rest on his arms, looking at the apple, a disinterested look on Evan's face. 

He was tired, so tired. His panic attack wore him out. He could feel his eyelids begin to droop. He wanted to sleep, but sleeping meant nightmares, and he'd prefer to not have any more tonight.

He got up from his desk, turning off the lamp, dimming the light in his room a considerable amount.

As he walked over to turn off his bedside lamp, movement caught the corner of his eye. He froze, heart rising into his throat. Oh god, was there an intruder? Was this intruder here to kill him? Evan felt his breathing stop, slowly turning around and facing the figure.

He was clad in black, with a duffle bag over his shoulder, and hair that was pulled into a bun and- oh god.

Connor Murphy was standing in front of Evan, alive and well.

"Uh… hey."


	2. Take Me To Your Best Friends House

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Child Abuse tw  
> Small mention of drugs

“Are you sure it’s okay that I’m here?” Evan sat uncomfortably on Connor’s bed, looking around his room. He had a few posters here and there, two bookshelves, both stack to the brim with books, and a desk. The rest was dirty clothes that Connor didn’t bother to put in his hamper and his school notebooks and textbooks in random places.

Connor snorted and shrugged. “We’re not, like, doing drugs or anything, so I don't think my parents will mind.” 

Evan hummed, deciding not to bring up that Connor’s parents didn’t even know he was here. Connor didn’t seem too stressed about the fact. 

“So, what do you wanna do?” Connor sat down next to Evan on the bed, crossing his long legs. Evan picked at the hem of his shirt, shrugging. Connor hummed in response.

Connor leaned forwards and pulled open the drawer to his bedside table, grabbing a hair tie. He pulled back his ear length hair as much as it would go, only managing to get the top half in a bun. Evan giggled at Connor’s tiny bun. Connor stuck his tongue out at him. The tension that previously hung in the air was beginning to dissipate. 

“So, I’ll ask again, Hansen, what do ya wanna do?” Connor leaned against Evan as he spoke, causing Evan’s cheeks to heat up. That had been happening a lot when he was with Connor. 

“We could study?” Evan suggested, shrugging and moving Connor as he did so. Connor readjusted, humming in disagreement. 

“You don’t have any of your books with you and I take A.P. classes, how on earth could we possibly study together?” Connor did have a good point. Evan let out a sigh, moving to lay back onto the bed, the tension in his shoulders leaving. Connor moved to lay his head against Evan’s stomach. His head moved with Evan’s breathing. 

“We could go to the bridge.” Connor suggested, stretching his arms across Evan and his bed.  
“You don’t have any gas in your car.”

“Oh… fair point.”

“Mhm.” Evan’s stomach tensed as he spoke, causing Connor’s head to move up a little. Evan’s hands moved down and began playing with Connor’s hair, causing a soft sigh to come from Connor. Evan’s heart fluttered at the sound. 

“We could watch a movie.” Connor scrunched his nose in response.

“I wanna talk to youuu.” Connor whined, making Evan laugh. Connor always made him laugh. He always made Evan feel so warm and feel that warmth all the way to his toes. Connor had no right to make him feel this way! Was this what falling in love was? Was Evan falling in love with Connor? Evan felt his heart rate pick up. He couldn’t fall in love with Connor, Connor didn’t like him back. If he told Connor how he felt Connor would hate him.

“Evan?” Connor turning his head when Evan’s fingers came to a halt in his hair. Evan was staring off into space, gaze locked with Connor’s ceiling. That was a stare Connor knew all too well. He sat up and moved to lay next to Evan, brushing blonde hair back, letting Evan work through it. There was a nonverbal agreement that if Evan needed anything, Connor would be there and vice versa. Connor waited twenty minutes before he heard anything from Evan.

“I think I’m bi.” Evan’s voice cracked, his eyes still directed towards Connor’s ceiling. Connor hummed in response, his fingers still running through Evan’s hair. Evan felt tears wet the corners of his eyes, sliding down the sides of his face and hitting his ears. It tickled but Evan didn’t want to jerk his head away and make Connor stop running his hands through his hair.

Connor made a quiet noise. Whether it was one out of shock or pity, Evan didn’t care. He felt Connor press his lips against his forehead, hands moving down to hold Evan’s jaw, turning his face towards Connor’s. 

“I’m gay.” Connor half smiled, causing Evan to do the same. Evan than snorted, causing Connor to laugh in response. The two erupted into fits of laughter, giggling until they were gasping for breath. 

“Con-Connor, that’s-that’s kinda gay.” Evan gasped out, causing Connor to laugh more, hiccuping out gasps. They didn’t know why they were laughing, but by God, did it feel good. Evan turned onto his side to face Connor, smiling a lot brighter than he has been. 

Connor’s laughter died down, a soft smile taking it place. Evan felt his heart melt. Connor’s smile was gorgeous.

“I don’t know why I was so freaked out to tell you.” Evan admitted, Connor’s eyebrows going up in slight shock.

“Evan, I get it. Please don’t be sorry about something like this. You’re still my best friend. Nothing’s changed. I actually feel a lot better now.” Connor’s tone was soft, hands still on Evan’s jaw. His thumb ran over Evan’s cheek, causing Evan to sigh from the touch, eyes closing. 

When Evan reopened them, Connor’s eyes were staring at Evan’s lips. Oh.

Oh.  
Connor glanced back up at Evan’s eyes, Evan now beginning to lean forwards, lips parting to take in a quiet breath. Connor leaned forwards too, his eyes beginning to flutter shut. 

“CONNOR!” A yell from down the hallway caused both of them to jerk back, Connor scrambling to get up. 

“Shit! It’s Larry!” Connor half yelled, half whispered, pulling Evan up and scrambling to the window, yanking it open. Evan moved fast and grabbed onto the ledge, saying a hushed goodbye before climbing down the wall, using vines on the sides of the house to hang off of. 

“Were you trying to sneak out?!” 

“No! I-”

“I’ve had enough, Connor, I’m locking the window shut.” There was an exasperated sigh.

“No, Da-”

Evan winced, hearing the window shut, cutting off Connor’s voice. He got to the bottom, feet hitting the ground and taking off through the backyard, hopping the white picket fence, continuing to run until he was far enough away to not draw attention.

He began to wheeze, stumbling back and landing on his ass in the middle of a field. Oh god, he had almost kissed Connor. Oh god, Connor was going to get in trouble because of him. Connor was going to hate him. Holy Shit!

Evan leaned forwards, grabbing fistfuls of his hair, choking out sobs, his lungs still racking his body for air. Connor was probably having a panic attack. Connor had it so much worse than him, why was Evan crying in the middle of some field while Connor was locked in his room like a wild beast? He couldn’t save Connor. He couldn’t stop Larry Murphy from abusing his son. 

Evan coughed out spit and mucus onto the grass, tears pouring down his face. Connor would hate him for forever. What had he done? Evan sobbed out again, sniffling and hiccuping. He sniffled, gasping in air, getting up, stumbling a bit. He couldn’t really see from the tears in his eyes, but he knew the way home. 

He began to walk towards the direction of his small house, sobbing and hiccuping the entire way.

Here’s to looking forwards to Monday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought this was gonna be happy lol


	3. It Was A Flood That Wrecked This Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> minor intrusive thoughts and of course a suicide mention

Evan couldn’t believe his own eyes. Connor Murphy was standing, alive, in front of him. Blinking, breathing, and, God, his eyes. His eyes; they were brown and blue. Evan wanted to cry tears of joy. This was really Connor, not the hallucination he had grown accustomed to. He wanted to ask questions, he wanted to hug Connor and never let him go. He wanted to yell.

“You...you asshole.” Evan’s voice shook as he walked forwards and wrapped his arms around Connor’s torso, tucking his face into Connor’s chest. Tears fell from his eyes. Connor tensed, before throwing his arms around Evan, chin resting on the top of his head. He felt Evan tremble, sniffling noises coming from Connor’s chest. 

Connor felt tears well up in his eyes, ducking down and press his lips to Evan’s head. It wasn’t necessarily a kiss, he was just holding Evan. His shoulder hurt from carrying his duffle bag and his hair was greasy from weeks of not showering, he couldn’t imagine how he smelled, but he was here. He was alive in Evan’s room and arms. Evan couldn’t stand to let go of him again. They stood there, wrapped around each other for a while, swaying and crying together. There were no words spoken between them. Evan just listened to his heartbeat. He wanted to cry every time he heard the bump-bump pattern surge through Connor’s chest. 

Evan pulled back, looking up at Connor now, tears streaking down his face. He looks older, more mature than when Evan had last seen him. Connor looked like he aged three years over the span of one. Evan couldn’t imagine what he’d gone through to warrant that. 

“Where were you?” Evan managed to get out, Connor’s eyebrows furrowing. He seemed pained when he thought about it, but he shook his head to clear his head of the thoughts. 

“It’s not important. What’s important is that I’m here now. I’m not leaving again.” Evan smiled shakily, hands reach up and cupping Connor’s face. His fingers ran over Connor’s cheekbones, down his jaw to his chin. Connor’s eyes fluttered closed, leaning into Evans touch. Evan felt his hands shake, unbelieving, unsure. Afraid. Connor Murphy was real. There was proof under his fingertips. 

“Why’d you leave?” Connor’s eyes opened, locking with his. He smiled nervously, his hand reaching to cup Evans cheek. He stayed quiet, lowering his hand from Evans face and running it through his own hair.

“I… I couldn’t handle it, Ev. I couldn’t stand my parents… and, God knows, school was terrible from day one. I… I didn’t want to leave, I wanted to come back. To tell you I was alive, but… I got scared every time I came near town.” Connor sighed through his nose, his fingernails beginning to pick at his scalp. “I thought that I’d be seen. That people would find out I’m not dead and they’d tell my parents, and then I’d be stuck right back where I was and my family would never trust me to leave the house ever again.” His hands shook as he picked, eyes darting around Evan’s room. It had become more cluttered in the year he had been gone. Evan had gotten a new cactus that sat on his window sill. Connor had almost pricked himself climbing in. There were books shoved in Evan’s bookshelf, more than what he had before. Connor could make out some of his own. Evan must’ve nabbed them during the mourning period. There were new curtains. Lavender. Connor’s favorite color. A depressing color.

He startled when he felt Evan’s hand slowly pull Connor’s down from his scalp, both hands coming to hold that one hand. Evan stared down, watching as his hands wrapped around Connor’s. His nail polish was chipped and cracking. “I get it.” Evan half-whispered. “You needed to leave… and I get why. I just wish you would’ve told me.” Evan wants to be angry, he wants to be upset that Connor left him.

Just like your dad, his brain supplies. He shakes his head to get the thought out of his head. 

Connor looks at him patiently. He couldn’t imagine the thoughts going through Evan’s head. He wouldn’t push. He didn’t have a right to do so anymore.

“It doesn’t have to be-”

“No...no, it does, cause I don’t want to be upset with my best friend after I just got him back.” Evan shuddered out a breath and moved closer to Connor, again. He pressed his chest to Connor’s torso, wrapping his arms around him. 

“Okay.” Connor’s voice was quiet, not daring to interrupt the tranquillity. 

So, they hugged some more, and stood there in the middle of the room some more. At some point, Connor dropped his duffle bag from his shoulder, letting it hit the ground with a thump. 

“Don’t leave me again.” Evan’s voice shook, not moving, but clutching Connor’s jacket in his hands. 

“I won’t.” Connor promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get ready folks there's gonna be a lot of angst before there's any fluff
> 
> (ill splice some in the middle dw)


	4. And Then They Lost Their Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so this chapter has a drug tw cause connor is under the influence
> 
> i dont condone it at all but i felt likeit was important to his chracter development, mentions of drugs will sorta be prevelant throughout the story but this chapter is probably as intense as it gets

“Do you think plants have feelings?” Connor asked, rolling over onto his stomach, the bed dipping more under more pointed weight. Evan looked up from the floor, eyebrows raised in question. 

“What do you mean?” Evan asked, shifting so he could face Connor. Connor’s eyes were red and he smelled like skunk, but at least he wasn’t doing anything in Evan’s room. Evan didn’t want his mom finding out and blaming him. 

“Like... so, every living being has, like, sentience, right? So, how much sentience does a plant have?” Connor gestured as he spoke, moving and making the bed creak as he did so. Evan’s bed sucked. 

Evan was silent, looking at Connor for a moment, deciding on his answer. “Go to bed.” Evan said, looking back down at his notebook. Connor let out a shocked noise, pushing himself up and clamoring down to sit next to Evan. Evan leaned into him. 

“It’s three in the afternoon. My bed time’s at eleven, thank you very much.” Connor said, nodding his head matter-of-factly. Evan snorted, reaching across Connor, grabbing his favorite (light blue) pencil. 

“But you’re also high, and as much as I enjoy your company, I’d rather talk to you sober.” Evan didn’t particularly enjoy Connor smoking at all, but he wasn’t the boss of Connor. His only rule was no smoking it around him. He knew Connor was trying to stop as well, and Evan could see it. He was stopping more and more. 

Connor grumbled but didn’t argue, getting up and laying back down on Evans bed, grabbing a throw blanket at the end of the bed and throwing it on himself. Evan couldn’t help but laugh. Connor was opening up more and more to him lately. The fact that he didn’t get defensive when Evan asked him to sleep off the influence was a huge step. Evan couldn’t help the surge of pride in his chest. He could see Connor changing himself for the better; getting healthier, letting himself smile more. 

Sure, he had bad days. It was bound to happen with several mental illnesses stacked on top of each other. Evan didn’t expect him to be perfect or happy all the time, but, now, when Connor was having a bad day, he let people in. It was only specific people, like Evan and Alana, and they would help as best as they could. Whether it was just reassuring texts or taking a day off to spend with Connor, watching Disney Movie Sequels, he was letting help back into his life again. 

Evan smiled to himself, looking over at Connor, his heart fluttering. He’d fallen so hard for Connor, it wasn’t even funny. He couldn’t help when his cheeks heated up when Connor looked his way, or the way his heart fluttered when Connor shared his lunch with him, or how his breath hitched when Connor crossed his arms and the arm muscle became more defined and the black nail polish against pale skin made arousal spike in Evan’s stomach. Evan scrubbed at his eyes, trying to clear said image from his head. He didn’t need that while Connor was literally on his bed sleeping.

Evan pushed the thoughts out, looking back down at his notebook. His French homework. He hated French. It was so close to Spanish and the French teacher hated him for some unknown reason. That, and Connor was somehow, mostly fluent in French. Evan assumed it was something rich white people just knew. Evan huffed out a laugh through his nose, setting his notebook down next to him and stretching out on his floor. His joints cracks and his muscles ached from not moving. Evan figured that wasn’t exactly healthy. He sighed and got up, padding over to his window and cracking it open. He eyed his succulents a bit, seeing which ones would need watering soon, which ones were fine as they were. Maybe he’d get a cactus. 

He walked back over and picked up his notebook, going to his desk and setting it there. He glanced over to the photo of him and his dad. It was a bad photo. His dad wasn’t smiling, Evan looked terrified. It was a day in the park. Evan didn’t remember that day, he assumed he blocked it from his memory. He never got rid of the photo though. He had nothing to replace it with. He still didn’t have anything to replace it with. Evan felt his fists ball up with anger. Fuck him, Evan shouldn’t be so angry over his father leaving more than ten years ago. Evan huffed out an angry breath, clenching and unclenching his fists. 

“We can always replace it.” Evan jumped, whipping around to see Connor sitting up. Had he been awake this whole time?

“What?”

“The picture of you and your dad. We can replace it.” Connor nodded towards the photo, causing Evan to glance back at it. 

“What would we replace it with?” Evan asked, grabbing the frame, turning it over in his hands.

“Us. If you want.” Connor suggested, causing a small smile to break on Evan’s face. 

“Sure. I’d like that.” Evan spoke quietly. “Now actually sleep, please.” 

Connor hummed and nodded, laying back down and rolling over. Evan’s smile stayed put as he slipped out the photo of him and his dad, and put the empty frame back onto the desk. Yeah…he loved Connor. What more could he say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from in trousers lol
> 
> and there is a falsettos reference if you can find it (its not that hard tbh)


	5. Quintessence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hit cool on the thermostat, leaning against the wall for a moment, watching his backyard. His eyes adjusted already and he could see a squirrel run across the wall in the distance. He heard footsteps approaching him down the hall, causing him to whip his head around to see the incoming person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whats up its been a while lmao
> 
> have fun, this is a gay(tm) chapter

Evan startled awake, gasping for air. It was dark? Why was it dark? Evan dropped back down on the bed, looking up at the faded glow stars on his ceiling. He could never get them off, he felt bad every time he thought about taking them off. It made his mom smile still… and it helped with his nightmares. He felt the bed shift beside him, causing him to turn and look. 

Connor lay asleep on his stomach, face pressed into Evan’s other pillow. His hair fanned out onto the pillow and his shoulders, his chest rising and falling. Evan rolled onto his side, facing Connor and just watching him. Small strands of moonlight danced on Connor’s cheek, eyelashes fluttering as he shifted. He looked so peaceful, so at ease. Evan raised his hand up, brushing away loose strands of Connor’s hair from his face. 

Connor’s eyes flickered open, unfocused for a moment before locking eyes with Evan. He let out a soft groan, moving to his side to face Evan. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” Connor mumbled out, his voice cracking. 

“You know my phone quality’s shit.” Evan murmured back, causing a small smile to break on Connor’s face. Evan felt the butterflies in his stomach. 

“S’warm.” Connor mumbled, sitting up. His spine cracked as he did so, causing Evan to scrunch his nose. He followed suit, sniffling a bit. The warm weather had clogged his sinuses. Connor yanked a hair tie of his wrist and pulled his hair up into a ponytail. The ends curled every direction and bounced when Connor turned his head. Evan was mesmerized. 

“I’ll go turn the air on.” He said, crawling out of bed and standing up, stumbling a bit from weak knees. He exited his room and walked down the hall, turning into the dining room. It was dark, but the moonlight from the glass door illuminated the family room and dining room. He hit cool on the thermostat, leaning against the wall for a moment, watching his backyard. His eyes adjusted already and he could see a squirrel run across the wall in the distance. He heard footsteps approaching him down the hall, causing him to whip his head around to see the incoming person. 

Connor approached, his socked feet padding on the ground, stopping in front of Evan. Evan gestured his arms out for a hug, smiling a bit. Connor moved into his arms, putting weight onto Evan. Evan didn’t mind it. 

“No lights?” Connor whispered, resting his chin on top of Evan’s head. He was watching the backyard now, as well. Evan shook his head slightly. Connor didn’t respond, but he also didn’t move. They stood like that for a couple minutes, just watching the outside. 

Eventually, Evan pulled out of the embrace, going into the kitchen. Connor trailed behind him, looking around at the Hansen household. Evan grabbed them water’s and some of the chips Evan had had earlier in the day. He glanced at the time. It was only 11:30. His mom was still in class. 

“Hey, you missed your 18th birthday.” Evan said, looking back at Connor. Connor was slightly startled at Evan’s volume but he just shrugged. 

“Yeah, I guess. But I’m legally dead so what does it matter?” He said. Evan walked to him, handing him a water bottle. Connor accepted it and moved to the couch. They were still in the dark. Did they have the lights on before they fell asleep?

“It matters... cause I still got you a present. It… it seems silly, but I guess I got it to just… feel closer to you.” Evan stated, sitting besides Connor. He placed the chips and water bottle down and curled into him, almost like a second nature. Connor threw his arm around Evan’s shoulder.

“What did you get me?” Connor asked, looking down at Evan. Evan smiled and got up, making his way back down the hall and into his room. He emerged from his room and the hall a few minutes later, holding a book in his hands. As he drew closer, Connor’s eyes widened. He didn’t… did he?

Evan sat down next to him again, placing the book in his hands. Connor set aside the water bottle to hold the book in his hands properly. “A… hardcover of The Little Prince?” Connor’s eyes were wide as he ran his hands over the cover. “Evan… I… Evan, this is wonderful. Thank you.” He set the book in his lap and twisted sideways, pulling Evan into a hug, Evan laughing as he wrapped his arms around Connor as well. 

“I saw that you didn’t have it in your bookshelf anymore. I figured you might’ve lost it or… during the fiasco in junior year… either way, this one’s like… a limited time only, sort of. That what it said when I bought it, at least.” Evan rambled, Connor pulling away from the hug to listen to him. He was beaming. 

“Evan… this is the best birthday present ever. And the best birthday.” He stated, placing his hands on Evan’s cheek. Evan smiled, glad the darkness hid his blush. 

“Your birthday was like three months ago-”

“Shhh. This is the best birthday ever.” Connor said.

They hesitated for a moment, Evan and Connor locking eyes. 

“Evan, I-”

“Connor, shut up.” Evan whispered, leaning forwards and placing his lips against Connor.

Connor froze, only for a moment, before kissing back, moving his hands to pull Evan closer. All pining and sorrow and grief, all of that was suddenly gone as the two kissed like they would never see each other again. Evan had fisted his hands in Connors shirt collar, keeping him close. Connor’s hand held the back of Evan’s head. They kept puffing out air as they kissed, their lips getting wet with saliva, as they refused to pull away. Eventually, though, Evan’s jaw started to hurt so he pulled back. Just enough to catch his breath. Connor panted, looking at Evan and grinning. 

“Like I said; best birthday ever.” Connor giggled, causing Evan to break out into giggles as well. He leaned forwards, once more, and kissed Connor again. They were reeling. The world was reeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let connor be a book nerd and a bottom 2k18.
> 
> is their power out? are they just too lazy to turn on lights? You decide.
> 
> Also, there's a line from the script in here somewhere, lemme know if u catch it.
> 
> next update should be pretty soon.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multichapter fic and tbh I'm excited. 
> 
> I already have several more chapters planned!
> 
> all panic attacks and such are taken from my own experience
> 
> also i hope this formats well lmao


End file.
